in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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