at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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