I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
