He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
