why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
