if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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