I think i peed on brittanys purse
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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