my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
