YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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