i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
