it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
