im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
