It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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