I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
