stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
