White coat. Heels.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
