Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
did i walk over a car last night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize