Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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