Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
