my sisters under your porch take her home
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
