there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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