you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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