This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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