it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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