**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
