yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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