so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
