Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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