I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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