I want to have your abortion
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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