The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
