11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
