Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
