So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
