Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
