need another drink. this is the easiest way
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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