i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
