Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
