I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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