dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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