Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
