i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize