Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
