More tranny stories later!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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