Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
