my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize