Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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