defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
