We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
