She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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