I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
