She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
