she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
