I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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