The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
