My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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