Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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