Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
