I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
third nipple confirmed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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