if i can run in heels then i can drive
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
