My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
