i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize